There's this special program for minors to go out and see the world called the People to People Ambassadors program, started by president Eisenhower to improve world relations. For the past three years, I've been invited to go on some of these trips, which is a pretty big honor. Last year the program went going to go to Ireland. This year it's going on a tour of Italy, France, Switzerland, and Austria.

But there's a catch.

We have to pay the fees-- which are somewhere around $5,000 on average. I don't have that much money. I don't even dream about that much money. My family is a poor lower-class one that just this summer was struggling to make it after my mother lost her job.

I would love to go, you have no idea how much. But I just can't.

So, remember when I got swine flu? Apparently, it leaves you with a bad cough for months afterwords. So that means, every time I get a cold, it's way worse than it would be. And the cough has left my lungs bad. So during P.E. at school, i have to walk everyday when everybody else is running. I come in last. It's embarrassing.

And-- for as long as I've been alive, I've had a speech impediment. I've lived in the same place all my life, but my speech impediment makes it sound like I have a Russian accent. So it gets annoying when people ask me, "How long have you lived here?" At least I can train myself to pronounce the 's' and 'sh' sounds, but no matter how hard I try, I can't pronounce the 'r' sound right. My last name starts with an R. So I can't even pronounce my own name.

And then my braces. I know when they're off and I have good teeth I'll be thankful for it and all, but it's just embarrassing. I get almost EVERYTHING stuck in them, and I can't bite into things-- like apples. I have to cut it up to be able to eat it. And I have hole where a tooth never grew in, it's noticeable. They're gonna put in a fake tooth, but still, until then I have an empty hole.

Anyway, I know my life isn't as bad as I make it seem, but it feels like it. Venting is how it gets better.

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Clubs I'm in:



Cool People:

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it's been a SUPER long time since i've uploaded anything other than commissions.

i was going to go to anime vegas with my friends, but i got a really bad headcold that i'm still getting over. it's like a flu, i think. not swine flu, though, because that's one of those that you can build an immunity to after you get it the first time, so i'm safe from that one now at least. or hopefully. i'm a little depressed over it, but on the bright side now i can actually make a costume for the anime con.

anyways, my voice is all hashed up and i've bad congestion and i think i'm going to have a sketchdump soon. so watch out for that.... muahahahah.....

sheik died. i had to live with my friend for a lil while until the mold was gone cuz it turns out i was allergic to it. and my bedroom had part of the wall and part of the floor ripped out, so im sleeping on the floor in the living rooom until the 19th, a.k.a. the day before school starts. and probably later than that, considering we're going to have to move everything back in and all that fun stuff.

i just found out about a classmate of mine, he hung himself last tuesday... also, i want to say i'm sorry i've missed all your deviations and have been gone for so long. just a lot of things happening.

i've also had some other things happen. i found out my mom had a mis-carriage between me and my brother [before me and after my brother], and we just found mold growing around my little sister's bed in the room we share. luckily, my mom's found a job, she was laid off, don't know if i told you that.

it's not all bad though. i got a new kitten, her name's Sheik [as in Legend of Zelda]. i went to our local renaissance fair and participated in our booth. i got some anti depression/anxiety meds, and they've been helping [this happened in june, around the time of my swine flu]. we found the mold, which probably the reason for my annoying cough that i haven't been able to get rid of [better to know about it than not, right?]. and, like i said, my mom's got a job again now.

my good paragraph is longer than my bad paragraph. that's something else, too.